Oh the joys of driving;;

I should have been a statistic;

I’m the girl who can usually hide emotion, in front of an audience that is; I hate to offend or hurt someone, just because of what I think, or I guess in this case feel. My alternative isn’t too great though; I take it out in my driving and become the typical reckless p-plater.
They say it blurs, happens so fast they can’t remember. I suppose I’m not normal, my brain slowed it all down, possibly due to adrenalin. First thought: ‘fuck, it’s actually happening to me’, that was when I started fishtailing off the corner at 90km/hour. I guess I didn't realise how serious it was until I started spinning; such an odd feeling, thinking you’re going to die. I was asked what I thought of, and I don’t really have an answer. I just watched as my headlights lighted up the trees believing that this was it. I’m now flooded with what ifs.. If it had of mattered much; sure it’s a sad concept but would they mind? Or cry at the funeral and never visit again. I hope it wouldn’t be a sad relief to my parents but where we’ve come to, I wouldn’t mind; I’d understand. I’m at a point where I’ve thought about death, wondered what happens; & then I’m facing it and I don’t care, I stay calm, and wait. But it didn't happen, because I’m lucky?