Sometimes all you can do is cry;;

So advice anyone?

How do you handle this situation?

He's been everything to me; helped me through the good and the bad, when I’ve been scared and when I’ve been happy, he's encouraged me and made me confident in who i am.. and he had my whole vulnerable heart in his hands.

It’s not just a title I’ve lost.. I’ve lost my best friend and who i thought was my life. When you base so much around someone, you shatter when they disappear. Now all i have is memories.. Because it’s like he’s gone, because he's changed.. A different person.

How can you change this?

Why can't i do something to make everything go back to normal?

Instead he's forced me to cut him out of my life, when he used to be most of it.

i have nothing left.

Blog number bloggity blog;;

Today was like hell crazy did like hell heaps.
First i went like to the place, then the stuff was like okay well thats hell like annoying, you know.
Then Samantha was like "yo what ya doing" and i was like "yo not much" so we decided to do stuff and it was like hell awesome but after we were like hell tired.
Then took a heaps cool nap and dreampt of, wait for it... stuff! like OMG LOL

- Lydia XOXO

Green's Go;;

Finally I've had one of those days where i can say i loved it.
its great how one thing can happen that brightens your entire day. for me today it was my success in not failing my Green P's test :) . i even ignored the fact that my photo deceives its audience by portraying me as a serial killer :)

my day was so good in contast. from crying myself to sleep the night before today seemed better than it should have. weird concept i know.. but i don't ever seem to funtion like a normal person.

besides my test, my day wasnt any better than average; hung with my mate in the bay and (i'm almost certain) gave food poisioning to my family and myself.
yeah, i now officially hate cooking. please, under no circumstances leave me alone to cook by myself again.



stupid salmonella

hmmm;;

blank..

hmm, i really want to write another blog. i have wanted to for a while now. but every time i sit here, ready to write, i just ..blank.

usually it's because if i do have something to say, its so obvious. i don't have to blog it to let someone know I'm pissed at them, and it isn't nice; and then it goes how it always does, you make up and then everyone else sees your nasty post on the Internet. mmm bad move, think I'll avoid it.
so then, what to write?? what's happened in the life of Lydia? okay, well we have.. school, an electricity black out - which btw totally sucked, making notices for babysitting - yes you read right, babysitting :s, Ooo and Shelby's 18th. hmm, that's something to write about ..

well here we go. i went to a party where i knew people, but didn't have any friends.. very awkward, my solution.. join into a drinking game. yeahhh.. .. alot of alcohol THAT quickly doesn't go well with me and hence i became the drunk girl being looked after by some random who i don't even know.
the points of the night i remember:
-telling some random ranger that lots of people don't like him;
-blank;
-Pru hugging me for ages;
-dancing drunkenly on a platform higher than the dance floor;
-blank;
-some guy telling me i didn't know anything about my life cause i was just a baby;
-blank;
-oh and blank.

drank wayyy over my limit.
anyways.. I'm fair sure that the birthday girl had an awesome time :)

promise .. next party i shall be sober.

Scooters, Vacation, Fall;;

i don't know if its me..
if i don't try hard enough, or if i'm subconsciously doing it.
i know what i feel and what i think.. ..and you used to too.. but these days it just seems to be slipping. i miss you.

just awesome;;

just listen, dont say much, DONT ask "why?" and say sorry.
- amanda

.. The advice that contradicts every part of my personality.. Even so I complied. I just listened, listened to the conversation go from me being deceitful to being a slut. I personally thought it was unnecessary, but hey, isn’t that what everyone else thinks anyways? Why not throw in mum and dad believing it too?
The conclusion to our wonderful 'chat' is that I’m a disappointment, and as I can only take it.. That they want me gone. Perfect or gone.
Well I will be soon cause I’m sure as hell not perfect, I’ll leave you whenever I can . maybe I should just run away.. Catch a bus and not know where its going. start over. new life. new people.
yuck I’m sounding dramatic. fuck it..



who cares right?

Amanda;;

amanda has a big wang