Blog number bloggity blog;;

Today was like hell crazy did like hell heaps.
First i went like to the place, then the stuff was like okay well thats hell like annoying, you know.
Then Samantha was like "yo what ya doing" and i was like "yo not much" so we decided to do stuff and it was like hell awesome but after we were like hell tired.
Then took a heaps cool nap and dreampt of, wait for it... stuff! like OMG LOL

- Lydia XOXO

Green's Go;;

Finally I've had one of those days where i can say i loved it.
its great how one thing can happen that brightens your entire day. for me today it was my success in not failing my Green P's test :) . i even ignored the fact that my photo deceives its audience by portraying me as a serial killer :)

my day was so good in contast. from crying myself to sleep the night before today seemed better than it should have. weird concept i know.. but i don't ever seem to funtion like a normal person.

besides my test, my day wasnt any better than average; hung with my mate in the bay and (i'm almost certain) gave food poisioning to my family and myself.
yeah, i now officially hate cooking. please, under no circumstances leave me alone to cook by myself again.



stupid salmonella

hmmm;;

blank..

hmm, i really want to write another blog. i have wanted to for a while now. but every time i sit here, ready to write, i just ..blank.

usually it's because if i do have something to say, its so obvious. i don't have to blog it to let someone know I'm pissed at them, and it isn't nice; and then it goes how it always does, you make up and then everyone else sees your nasty post on the Internet. mmm bad move, think I'll avoid it.
so then, what to write?? what's happened in the life of Lydia? okay, well we have.. school, an electricity black out - which btw totally sucked, making notices for babysitting - yes you read right, babysitting :s, Ooo and Shelby's 18th. hmm, that's something to write about ..

well here we go. i went to a party where i knew people, but didn't have any friends.. very awkward, my solution.. join into a drinking game. yeahhh.. .. alot of alcohol THAT quickly doesn't go well with me and hence i became the drunk girl being looked after by some random who i don't even know.
the points of the night i remember:
-telling some random ranger that lots of people don't like him;
-blank;
-Pru hugging me for ages;
-dancing drunkenly on a platform higher than the dance floor;
-blank;
-some guy telling me i didn't know anything about my life cause i was just a baby;
-blank;
-oh and blank.

drank wayyy over my limit.
anyways.. I'm fair sure that the birthday girl had an awesome time :)

promise .. next party i shall be sober.

Scooters, Vacation, Fall;;

i don't know if its me..
if i don't try hard enough, or if i'm subconsciously doing it.
i know what i feel and what i think.. ..and you used to too.. but these days it just seems to be slipping. i miss you.

just awesome;;

just listen, dont say much, DONT ask "why?" and say sorry.
- amanda

.. The advice that contradicts every part of my personality.. Even so I complied. I just listened, listened to the conversation go from me being deceitful to being a slut. I personally thought it was unnecessary, but hey, isn’t that what everyone else thinks anyways? Why not throw in mum and dad believing it too?
The conclusion to our wonderful 'chat' is that I’m a disappointment, and as I can only take it.. That they want me gone. Perfect or gone.
Well I will be soon cause I’m sure as hell not perfect, I’ll leave you whenever I can . maybe I should just run away.. Catch a bus and not know where its going. start over. new life. new people.
yuck I’m sounding dramatic. fuck it..



who cares right?

Amanda;;

amanda has a big wang

i'm sorry;;

why would i get with someone who's getting with me to get back at someone else to get back at someone who's getting with someone else?


hypocrit much lydia ..

Big One-Eight;;

The big one-eight.
Wow, its weird once you get here. Its good; even if it didn't hold all the promises it originally intended.
After the crash I guess my birthday became my safety net, which is excellent.. however my day to pay for the car shall come soon enough :s as will my time to drive (stupid James) which I am Incredibly nervous of.

Anyways, for those who care;;
My day was excellent. My glorious day started at 7am with my long joyous day of DFO shopping, in which I found Many many bargins.
i.am.in.love!
my birthday became day two of my family seeing me drunk. Embarrassing much.

A short top ten list ...
1. Mum certainly found out that I love her – “mummy, I love you so muchhh” .. recorded. Lovely.
2. Danced
3. Gave away james’ bday prezzie (ehhhh)
4. Much singing
5. Spun in the ocean
6. Fell in the ocean
7. Told taz I didn't know anything about vodka cause I’m ‘innocent’
8. Yelled loudly about the lunch special @ the raiders club thingo and said how much of a deceiving bitch the lady at reception was
9. Climbed over the table during speeches
10. Fell asleep on the toilet
Its been very amusing I bet.


Fortunately on my way home from Canberra when we went to fill up james was getting petty so I also saw my best friend on my birthday :) .. all in all it was fab.

Now, on my eighteen list I still have to buy a cigar and R18+ movie.. I think I’m done then, any other suggestions which I haven’t done?


PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES!

Oh the joys of driving;;

I should have been a statistic;

I’m the girl who can usually hide emotion, in front of an audience that is; I hate to offend or hurt someone, just because of what I think, or I guess in this case feel. My alternative isn’t too great though; I take it out in my driving and become the typical reckless p-plater.
They say it blurs, happens so fast they can’t remember. I suppose I’m not normal, my brain slowed it all down, possibly due to adrenalin. First thought: ‘fuck, it’s actually happening to me’, that was when I started fishtailing off the corner at 90km/hour. I guess I didn't realise how serious it was until I started spinning; such an odd feeling, thinking you’re going to die. I was asked what I thought of, and I don’t really have an answer. I just watched as my headlights lighted up the trees believing that this was it. I’m now flooded with what ifs.. If it had of mattered much; sure it’s a sad concept but would they mind? Or cry at the funeral and never visit again. I hope it wouldn’t be a sad relief to my parents but where we’ve come to, I wouldn’t mind; I’d understand. I’m at a point where I’ve thought about death, wondered what happens; & then I’m facing it and I don’t care, I stay calm, and wait. But it didn't happen, because I’m lucky?

You have the rain to appreciate the sun;;

He said it’s not my fault. Doesn’t that just fit so cliché, something checked off a list that’s stuffed into his back pocket? They’re just words. And I’m not stupid. I’m know I’m not good enough, I never have been; how I got him in the first place is beyond me, cause I am, I’m nothing.

Wonder if kissing her was on his list though? I thought after everything that happened last time he’d realise of everyone that’d gut me the most; but then I suppose I would, (in a non lesbian way), she’s everything I’m not; You know that girl at school, who walks into a room and beats down the self esteem of every girl there, well yeah, that’s her.. The difference but, is that that usual girl is someone you don’t know, don’t talk to; this one is one of the most beautiful people I’ve met. And I could never be upset at her, ever. So who do I be upset at? Him? Myself? What difference does it make? Holding grudges just causes misery, and I always seem to learn that the hard way; but then if I am so carefree about everything, do the people I’m closest to just take advantage of it?

Drunk People; they come in many different shapes and sizes...

· Happy drunks

· Sad drunks

· Aggressive drunks

· Slutty drunks

· Honest drunks

· Talkative drunks

· Story telling drunks

Usually I fit into the happy drunk section;; and I love it. It creates great adventures and long DNM’s. Last night though honesty got the better of me and successfully made me pathetic.

You always want to know what I’m thinking... Well did you expect this? That I’d tell the whole world that I love you.

I shouldn’t have said what I did last night, it was pointless, useless.

The only thing that’s good about me is that I’m passionate, and strong for what I feel or believe;; but I don’t even have that anymore. I’m so weak. Why would I give up someone who means everything to me to make my life ‘easier’? Because I thought he’d wait for me? Maybe, all I know is that it’s the first time I’ve thought with my head instead of my heart; and it’s the stupidest decision I’ve ever made in my life.

The hardest thing: and what I suppose I should of realised a long time ago, is knowing that you loved someone more than they loved you. Yeah, this is where I fall off.

My first blog attempt;;

When experiences happen in life, you discover much..

About yourself, about your friends;;

Your true ones.your forever ones.the ones who not only let you cry on their sholder but cry with you.the ones who hold your hand the entire way.the ones who always make you smile.the ones who accept you, even when they get to know you and see you fall.the ones who always make you smile.the ones who don't ask but hug you tightly.&& the ones who you trust with your rock, your life.

My life's a swing;;

With my wonderful highs, that give me butterflies while I'm suspended into a joyous moment;; yet can so suddenly fall from underneath me;; problems pushing on me like gravity.

However ii don’t mind these moments; because without them ii wouldn't appreciate the highs;; like without a storm you wouldn't appreciate the sun.

Fortunately I'd call this my first day of having the hands of my friends push me back up;; up high once again on my swing of emotions;;

.. just don’t ever let me fall..